But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
