Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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