the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
