bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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