I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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