I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
