I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
