I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
