wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
