never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
