i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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