i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize