Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
