i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
