i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
