She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
