just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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