Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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