if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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