You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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