I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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