I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
