i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
