Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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