the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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