nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
