I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
