something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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