Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
