a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
