Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
