I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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