Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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