i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
