I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize