i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
