so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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