Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
