So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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