Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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