We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
