I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Church boner. Awkwardddd
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
