we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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