Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize