i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
