I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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