i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
