The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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