is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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