I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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