It's like God shit irony all over that family
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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