I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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