maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
