I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
