cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
