omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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