im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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