no, he came in my armpit
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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