Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
