i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
