Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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