absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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