I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
