first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
