For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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