There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
