remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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