Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
