All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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