all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
