Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
