oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
