yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize