3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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