Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My ass is underappreciated
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
