you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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