Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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