That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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