yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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