I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
