Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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