Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
