ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we should paint friendship bongs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
