it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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