I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
