this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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