i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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