She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
