And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize